Why sex shaming needs to stay in the past decade

Sex shaming isn’t something that has been foreign to me but since I started using PrEP, I have noticed how it has become common for people to make comments and assumptions about your sex life because you’re ‘on the pill.’

Sex shaming is the act of shaming someone on how they choose to express themselves sexually, this is sort of similar to slut shaming.

It’s quite common in our community to be shamed on the type of sex you enjoy, whether it is with a condom or not, anal or oral. This shaming comes from a place of not knowing because most of us grew up in households were talking openly about sex was frowned upon, most of us never even had the sex talk. It really shouldn’t matter; people should be allowed to have the sex they enjoy as long as they’re looking after themselves and their sexual health.

There has been this assumption that people who are using PrEP are using it as an excuse to have unprotected sex. My question is, so what? Most of the comments on PrEP users come from a place of sex shaming, where people automatically assume you are having sex without a condom or you have multiple partners you engage in condomless sex with.

Sex work in the queer community is also shamed like it is in the straight world because people cannot seem to fathom that two adults can consent to transactional sex. We’re already doing it for free, what is earning a few rands while doing it? To be honest, I would rather be paid for it, all that admin before bottoming needs a stipend.

There are many platforms now where one can share their ‘content’ if they are looking to make an extra buck, one of these platforms is Only Fans. Only Fans is another platform that receives some flack, there is shame that is occurring towards users of Only Fans. To those who do not know what Only Fans is, it is a platform that allows you to post/share any +18 content where people can pay for it.

Sex shaming is rife online as well where you are bound to see the “who will respect anyone who talks so openly about sex” narrative on someone’s TL because they choose to be a prude.

Talking about sex openly can also result in sex shaming because society has deemed talking openly about sex as being crass and disgusting. This has resulted in people being ashamed and not able to negotiate on the type of sex they enjoy because of this fear of being shamed. I know this very well as someone who talks openly about their sexcapades, I have had people warn me that no guy will want someone who is so open about their sexcapades, guess what? I don’t care, what I will never do is subject myself to bad sex simply because I was not open about what I enjoy in bed.

Social media has been making me happy lately because we are seeing more and more people being open about the type of sex they enjoy even the ladies are talking openly about enjoying anal and the amazing thing is watching the sharing of knowledge between the queers and some allies. 2020 is the year to stop the shaming because the revolution will be sexualised and we are all getting orgasms this year because we will be vocal about what we enjoy.

Phumlani Kango is a contributing writer for the Anova Health Institute and these are his views, which may or may not reflect those of Anova and its affiliates.