skip to Main Content

When Love Bottoms Out – Can two bottoms make a top?

It’s the romance related question that is as old as time itself and many a love story has been made or destroyed by the answer. “Are you top or bottom?”

It seems to be the question that has many people triggered as even now, in 2019, there is stigma attached to your sexual position preference as a gay man. Tops are seen as more masculine and dominant and bottoms are often perceived as weak or effeminate.

We know these pigeonholes (pardon the pun) are redundant and neither giving or receiving dictates anything more about you than where on your body you prefer your ooh ah ah sensations.

I am therefore able to proudly say that I am a bottom male and not sorry about it one little bit. The problem is this:  I have had a curse placed on me. You’ve heard of Gaydar? Well I have Bottomdar. The easiest way to find out where a gay man likes their bread buttered is to ask me if I like him or not. If I’m smitten, you guessed it, he’s a bottom. This has proven at least 90% accurate in my experience and has often stopped me from pursuing romantic avenues, because let’s face it…what are two bottoms going to do in bed? Hold hands and Giggle?  Wrong!

This is possibly the biggest misperception of our time, aside from believing that KFC “leaked” secret recipe you found on Pinterest is legit. Spoiler alert…it’s not. Believing that in order to date a top, you need to be a bottom and vice versa is as outdated as “Every Adam needs an Eve”.

It is alarming to me that we look at relationships through a binary lens. It not only limits our potential but also vastly decreases the dating pool, and ain’t nobody got time fo dat.

The first big step is asking yourself how important penetration really is in your relationship. Now, in my opinion, I have always believed that if you are doing it right, “sex” is just the fun bit at the end. In fact if penetrating your partner with your penis, or being treated like one of those beer can up the roast chicken jobs is of optimum importance to you, then your relationship problems are bigger than you think and I need to write an entirely separate column for you.

You can not base a relationship on what happens in bed, on the kitchen counter, dining room table or the bathroom at Babylon. It needs discussion with your partner. Perhaps one of you is willing to consider versatility. Perhaps you can experiment with toys to fill the void (pun intended). Perhaps your fingers are ample to amuse hubby’s Anuschka, heck, maybe you boys discover fisting is your gig! But you won’t know if you never have that conversation.

Can you imagine the big love stories of our time never happening because of a sexual preference?  I never heard Julia Roberts bring up anal in pretty woman, and girlfriend did alright for herself.

The conversation begins with yourself. Do you want to be in a relationship or do you want to get drilled. You decide.

Back To Top