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How to free yourself from someone who just isn’t that into you!

Just over two months ago I unlocked my phone to find a Facebook notification, so I clicked on the app to see what it was. It turns out to be another friend request from someone I’ve never met, but hey, he’s cute, so I clicked on ‘accept’, and that day was the beginning of a vital lesson for me.

A few hours later I received another notification, and it seems that this handsome man had inboxed me, so what else can I do but reply, I can’t be rude now, can I, he is really sexy after all. That basic chat soon turned into witty banter then intelligent conversation, and before I knew it, I’d sent him my number and days of wonderful, engaging conversations took place on WhatsApp.

He is based in Cape Town and me in Joburg, and clearly, this connection was undeniable, and a week after he had sent that first ‘hi’, he’d booked his plane tickets to come to see me. A week later I was standing at the airport with roses in my hand, and I was nervously waiting for him to disembark as I’d planned a weekend like no other. After only two weeks of chatting, he walked through those doors, and I thought “wow, this is really happening”.

We started our journey at Starbucks on that Friday morning, we then headed to the hotel where we checked in and got to know each other a little more intimately. We then headed to the pool and the person who told me that he doesn’t drink ended up having a few cocktails too many. The rest of the weekend consisted of a well-planned itinerary of discovering different parts of the city in which he could see himself living. We had great food, okay conversation and I got to discover parts of him I otherwise never would have.

The sex was good, perhaps that’s the one thing I really needed, but on Sunday afternoon, a few hours before his flight back, we sat on the deck at a restaurant and had the most amazing conversation where we agreed that we’d see where things would go. We made plans for my trip to Cape Town, how we’d travel together and as soon as he was on the flight there was a bit of emptiness that came over me. It was the longest date of my life after-all, 72 hours of really getting to know someone, or what I could make out.

As it happens, the tone of the conversation changed and our dynamic changed too. Where I had thought we were making progress, he clearly had enough fun and had moved on. I went from being ‘babe’ to being ‘too much’, and bluestocking me was okay because ‘no answer is an answer’. After two or so weeks of being caught up but still in contact, this guy added a pic of him and his boyfriend onto WhatsApp, and that was it! At that point I realised, it’s not that he didn’t want to be in a relationship, it’s that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, and couldn’t say it.

I was perhaps ‘too much’ admin, and ‘no answer’ should have been an answer enough, but I decided, that it’s time, to be honest with myself. I’m not going to be used for my kind heart, intellectual property and yes, I will be happy for you, but on my terms. And for the first time in my life, I blocked someone.

It was a very difficult thing, but I did it for me. I freed myself from feeling mislead for one more day, used for one more hour or doubting for another minute. I took back my power, and I’m still on the hunt for ‘the one’. Perhaps if you’re reading this, you’re him. Either way, if ever you’re in a similar situation either tell the person you’re not interested, or RUN LIKE HELL if a man ever gets you caught-up, even if it is the conversation that peaked your interest, but especially if its the bedroom antics that got you hooked.

We’re always consumed by someone’s physical beauty, that even though they stimulate you mentally, you don’t see the attitude or the slight bits of jealousy underneath it all. Now I’m taking a risk on someone who doesn’t chat much at all, but he was brave enough to tell me how he feels about me, and I’m brave enough to give him a fighting chance!

Martin Headger is a contributing writer for Anova Health Institute.  These are his views which may or may not reflect those of Anova and its affiliates.


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